Another Runescape Story
by Snowskeeper
Summary: Epic to a point. Review, even if just to flame. BEWARE THE WRATH OF THE CACTUS! Hey, at least Bob the Evil Cactus of Death isn't there.
1. Chapter 1

**Another Runescape story.**

Two figures stood across from each other, one standing in an area wreathed in fire, his posture extremely aggressive, two Zamorakian god-swords held before him, each covered in a bloodier, darker fire of their own. He wore a full suit of Dragon armour, with a Draconic visage forged neatly into the front, and on his back was a Dark bow and Zamorakian staff strapped carefully into place.

He faced a figure covered in a pale blue light, his swords, Saradominist god-swords, strapped to his back with his own Dark bow and a Saradominist Staff. His armor was also Draconic, but instead of the usual red it was a bright blue, and another Draconic visage was placed squarely in the center. This figure's head was also bared, and he was smiling a sardonic, self satisfied smile.

Zamorak and Saradomin.

Slowly, with a deep, echoing, chaotic voice that spoke of things best left unknown, of tortures not good enough for the worst criminal, of monsters powerful enough to rip apart the bravest and strongest knight, and of secrets that would corrupt even the most pious warrior. (Out of story: Well, corrupt if you believed he was evil, but you get the point.) Saradomin's smile widened as he heard the words, and if you looked closely, you could see that he was really enjoying making Zamorak angry, despite all the gospel bestowed by his monks.

"What did you just say about my mother?" Zamorak uttered.

**Yeah, it was short, but this was supposed to be a joke, after all.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Saradomin and Zamorak's pointless battle continues!**

"Hey N3wb, y0u want a phr33 drag0n scimitar?"

"OMFG, yea, plox!"

"Alright, just f0ll0w m3 to a PVP world. I'll giv3 it t0 y0u th3-"

This fascinating conversation ended as Saradomin landed on top of the scammer, instantly crushing him. The idiot who was about to fall for the scam gawked in amazement, not at the fact that somehow a runescape god, who didn't even have an NPC, had just fallen from the sky and crushed a random person, but that the coloring of the armor was blue.

"OMFG, how do you get blue dragon? Tell me pl-" Saradomin was saved from this as Zamorak jumped from a nearby building, crushing the fool flatter than Saradomin's lousy cookies.

"Now you will know the true meaning of pain!" Shouted Zamorak ominously.

"No! You!" Shouted Saradomin!

"No! You!" Shouted Zamorak. The continued for the next 10 minutes before a random guard came along and began to shoot Zamorak.

"Ow! What the hell?" Screamed Zamorak, and a ball of Dragonfire engulfed the guard, leaving nothing but bones and a couple of arrows. Not that anything else would have been left anyway, actually. Weird.

Saradomin, taking advantage of this distraction, drew a beard on Zamorak's helmet without Zamorak seeing it. He didn't know if Zamorak actually had a beard or not, but if he did, now he had two! Ha ha ha!

Zamorak turned, wondering why the hell his enemy was laughing at him.

"Why the hell are you laughing at me! ? ! ? !"

"You... You have a beard!"

"What the hell!"

Zamorak punted Saradomin into Ardougne.


	3. Chapter 3 And the Billy Bob Jr Omake

_**Once upon a time in a land called Mortanya, there was a werewolf. His name was Billy-Bob-Jr. Billy-Bob-Jr. was a Saradominist, and as such, in the land of Mortanya, he had no friends. This was also because he was overly cheerful and pissed off everyone he talked to.**_

_** One day, Billy-Bob-Jr. was walking through the magical swamp Mort Myre of evil fungus and strange ghost things, cheerily humming to himself, Billy-Bob-Jr. saw a bunch of humans slicing apart another werewolf. He ran over, in his wolf form, and said to the humans who were obviously being very naughty, "You shouldn't kill people, it's mean!" **_

_** The Humans turned around, and began slicing apart Billy-Bob-Jr. And that, kids, is why you should never talk to strangers.**_

**Now, back to the story! Or whatever it is!**

Saradomin landed with a thump somewhere between the wilderness and Billy-Bob-Jr.'s grave, smashing into the river Salve and instantly polluting it with little chunks of marble from being thrown through the walls of Falador.

"Stop punting me!" He shouted at Zamorak, who had appeared out of nowhere.

"Then take back what you said about me, my mother, and my hellhound fluffy!"

"Alright..."

"Goo-"

"But that doesn't mean I won't talk about what you, your mother, and your hellhound fluffy did together!" Saradomin screamed, and proceeded to shout out something so inappropriate, it wouldn't be allowed in an M-rated story, let alone a K+ like this one.

"Why you mother-"

"Language, it's K+ rated!"

"But you just said-"

"Yeah, but the writer'll blank it out and explain that it was inappropriate for a K+ story.

"That's it!" Zamorak shouted, and punted Saradomin again.

"Are we actually ever going to use our weapons? ! ? ! ? ! ?" Screamed Saradomin in midair, only to be blasted by the Flames of Zamorak.

**I don't know why I wrote that Omake, but it seems it's removed my writers block for the moment.**


	4. Chapter 4: Wrath of the Cactus

"LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!" Screamed a random passerbyer. His name was Bill. He was in fact a talking cactus. He was on a killing spree, since thousands of his brethren had been decapitated by passing adventurers who had apparently forgotten their own water. So, for thousands of years, as one of the uncuttable cacti, he sharpened a stick he'd found on the ground, evolved legs, and waited... Untill finally, his chance came. A flying carpet appeared over head, and he leaped, spearing the adventurer riding on it through the foot. Screaming with his non-existent mouth, Bill climbed on to it while the adventurer was still incapable of movement, and stabbed him over nine thousand times in the face. Then he wrote MatMachado in the carpet with the blood of MatMachado, because that was the name of his first victim. He then proceeded to stab the carpet until it descended to the ground, then draped it around his shoulders like a cape. Now, before I add even more body parts that most cacti don't have to it, I'm gonna tell you that Bill was a very 'special' cacti, and was imagining the fact that he had hands and shoulders. In fact, he was just draping the cape over his large beak.

After about seven weeks of rampaging through the desert, killing all of Shantay's guards and almost killing Shantay (but since Shantay was an unatackable NPC, he couldn't kill him), he finally arrived at Al Kharid. Not even the monkeys from Do No Evil could stop him. For some reason, he started singing random songs that I don't want to name because then I'd have to add them to my disclaimer if I ever make one.

Then Saradomin landed on him, crushing Bill flat and saving the millions of souls that Bill would take out his anger on even though most other cacti didn't have the intelligence to live. Zamorak cursed as he landed. "I SPENT OVER A MINUTE CORRUPTING HIM! NOW YOU DIE!" Zamorak punted Saradomin. Again. You'd think that he'd try something new once and a while... Or that Saradomin would fight back, at least. Seriously, he's so wimpy. Zamorak can easily defeat him any time. Hey, what's that giant bolt of blue coming at me? The one almost as big as my house. Oh. Saradomin strike. *Ahem:* -


End file.
